for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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