I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
