Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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