I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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