His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
