wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
