shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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