lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
