you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
