U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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