I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
