so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize