You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
