so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
