so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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