dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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