she woke up with a sticky ear
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
