Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
