I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
