Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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