It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize