I accidentally had phone sex last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
