one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
