Non-Jews are for practice
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
