Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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