Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
