She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
