Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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