There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
