He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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