ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
