I will die if light touches me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize