Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
