Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
