i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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