the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
