you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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