I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
