no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You took a bar mat shot.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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