He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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