Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
