you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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