It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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