I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
