Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize