Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
