maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
