This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
