the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
