Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
