after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
