her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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