I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
