My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize