I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
