i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
