You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
