Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
