Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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