those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
