Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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