Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
