I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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