I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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