if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
