I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
