I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
